i am, exactly who you say i am

and i am exactly who i think i am

Mar 14, 2025

I’m not sure if it was the full moon eclipse in Virgo (Mercury is my chart ruler! I also have a Virgo Mercury and Venus so this eclipse has been dragging me) or the changing of the season, but I felt the impulse to write despite communicating that I would be taking a break—and I am attempting to follow my good impulses instead of denying myself. I have a history of denying myself…everything.

If you follow astrology (or not and idc if you don’t) this eclipse and full moon has been centered around decluttering. Not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally removing the things that no longer serve you—the things that are in the way of your goals, hopes, and dreams, and for someone like me what is in the way of ME.

Not to brag or boast, but I feel like I have been doing this for months. I have quite literally been digging up all of the shit others have left me with for years now, but in the last year it’s felt like I have reached a new layer of my own personal earth’s crust, and I am breaking ground with new pathways. Positive pathways. Loving pathways. New and sometimes terrifying.

I think the pathway currently is to believe, affirm, and metabolize that I am who you say I am.

I am a gem. I am a meaningful and impactful organizer of spaces and people. I am easy to talk to. I am beautiful. I am a person who will pull through and show up for my friends. I am thoughtful. I am funny and kind. I am awesome. I am easy to love, I am loved.

I am not only worthy of good things. I am a good thing. I am my good thing, and I take pleasure in sharing what a good “thing” I am with good people.

This is not in an ego way, or a self importance way. I will not suddenly be the cockiest most self absorbed person in the room. But I don’t think being bashful, or being a coward, or underselling myself is serving me anymore.

It’s in the way that I am a mirror to all of those around me, and I believe all of these good things about them, because they exist in me too.

It’s in the way I want to approach intimacy and romance with “why wouldn’t they be interested in me?” and if they aren’t “that’s a them thing and not a me thing.”

It’s in responding to kind words and compliments without saying, “no” or “you shouldn’t have” but a “thank you, you’re xyz too because what you see in me is a reflection of you,” and a “thank you, I receive that and thank you for seeing me.”

LOOK AT THE SHIT I HAVE DUG UP!

My hardest and scariest core belief—since sharing I have felt such relief. It has already positively impacted the way I move and view my own reflection. I told people how I like to be loved, publicly and without shame. I talked about my ex and reflected on the growth I experienced in that relationship and since then, without malice. I’ve talked about limerence, and traits I’d like in my next partner, and shame in general!

And I don’t think the journey is over. There is more to dig up and remove, dig up and replace, digging to plant new. It’s a process. I won’t lie and pretend I don’t hold some frustration or even resentment towards the process. Why so long? Why so much? When does the world/universe/whatever begin to match the good energy I am bringing?

And I think part of me could hear and affirm the good things, but did not trust and believe them. And I think this week in particular forced my hand to surrender to the goodness.

I am who I am say I am, and who I say I will be because I am on the path. Everyday I choose to wake up is another day I choose this. I am who you say I am because I have made my life full of beauty, love, and wonder. Full of people, and community who know what an honor it is to be in each other’s lives.

…I have more on this. There may be a counterpoint to this exact post soon because of the week I had—and I think that too is a part of this excavation process to make room for something else.

In the meantime—how lucky are we to witness one another. Thank you for seeing me as I am in the process of correcting my own vision.